Honey Bunches of Joe

This be Joe Garcia's blog.

The Mass Effect 3 Ending You Always (read: Never) Wanted

In the four months since the release of Mass Effect 3, pretty much all that could possibly be picked apart, theorized, and said about its controversial ending has been thrown out somewhere for the internet to see. With the Extended Cut endings seeing light in late June, even more so.

But way back in March, while the supposedly terrible ending was still bubbling in the skulls of angry fanboys, I got an idea. Well, Travis Foster of Front Towards Gamer and I had an idea: write as many ludicrous new endings to ME3 as we possibly could. I quickly whipped one up and emailed it to him, and we were off.

…except that PAX East was right around the corner and we both had a lot of planning to do for our respective sites — he for FTG, while I corralled appointments for PlayStation University. We told each other that we’d get together in Boston to hash some of it out, but we just ended up doing a lot of heavy drinking instead. Whoops!

It’s been months now, so it’s probably safe to say that we won’t do it as we’d initially dreamed. However, I’m tired of seeing the document on my hard drive and nothing coming of it, so fuck it — I’ll post the ending I wrote here.

I haven’t edited the story since I wrote it in March (and it’s shit anyway), so sorry in advance.

ENDING #1: Out of the Danger Zone

Admiral Hackett comes over the comm. “Shepard, the Crucible isn’t firing. It’s gotta be something on your end.”

A dying Shepard crawls forward, struggling for the console in front of him, and falls just short. He lies motionless for a moment, seemingly lifeless. Suddenly, he’s carried up by an elevator.

Shepard stirs, barely maintaining consciousness. Maybe it’s the blood loss and head trauma, but he’s certain that he’s looking at…a button? It’s not red, but it is pretty big.

“Huh. I think I found it Admiral,” says the weary commander as he trudges over to the mysterious control panel, which happens to have a neat pile of medi-gel next to it.


* * *

Joker repeats the story to the confused C-Sec officer, as if the officer believed that there should be more to what happened. He tells him that all he could see from the Normandy was a single pulse of energy coming out from the Citadel. EDI adds that this was just before she intercepted a final Reaper transmission, in which Harbinger said something to the effect of “I have to go now. My planet needs me.”

The Reapers died on their way back to dark space.

EDI rises from her seat, looking through window onto a beach on the Presidium.

“What are they doing?” she muses, curious to learn of the activity below.

“That’s volleyball,” replies Joker. “Shepard saw it in an old Earth movie that he liked. Garrus and Wrex caught on pretty quickly, although I don’t…care for what they’re wearing. Can’t say I expected krogans to look like THAT under their battle armor.”

EDI raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t even know they WORE anything other than battle armor.”


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